Author: Anna

There are 8 self-inflicted behaviors that will prevent you living your best life. Take a look at the list below and see if you recognize any in yourself. And no, you can’t choose them all?.

1. You’ve achieved a dream or landed the perfect job but feel empty and disappointed. Many of us are dynamic, ‘Type A’ individuals who, since an early age have been driven to succeed. We want to make a difference, to have purpose and to be fulfilled. The problem comes when we reach our ambition only to find we feel hollow and unfulfilled. To paraphrase Joseph Campbell, we’ve got to the top of the ladder and found its against the wrong wall.
2. What got you here won’t get you there (AKA the brick wall). It’s a classic problem. The attributes and motivations that helped you succeed have now become a liability. Your single-minded attitude is now seen as selfish; your independence a roadblock to team working and your ‘tell it like it is candor’ is upsetting and antithetical to the values of the company. These problems are all examples of failing to flex and time-shift – the ability to recognize that different situations and challenges require different behaviors. It’ll be a tough fix, but your best life lies on the other side of this wall.
3. You fall into a confidence trap. While it’s OK to be insecure every now and then, a severe lack of confidence is the most frequent problem preventing people living their best life. Some people sabotage themselves with crooked or negative thinking; others give away their power when dealing with people in authority; and a number suffer from the imposter syndrome – the agony of waiting for someone to tap them on the shoulder and say, “we made a mistake hiring you – you just don’t have what it takes.”
4. You ‘pull’ the wrong behavior from others. We all train people how to respond to us and the most powerful way we shape others behavior is via our interpersonal style. Are we passive, assertive, or aggressive in relation with others? Perhaps you confuse aggression with assertion, or you become passive in meetings or with friends when you need to have a point of view and drive to a decision. Interpersonal style determines whether you stand on the perimeter, looking in, or in the center, managing the relationships around you.
5. Your mind-blind – unable to calibrate your impact on others because you lack self-awareness. Despite the fact that we are social mammals hard-wired to cooperate, a number of my clients approach me to help them become more self and socially aware. These individuals fail to read their own behavioral cues and often overpower others or fill a room, starving others of the oxygen required to contribute to the meeting. Self-awareness starts with an awareness of your strengths and vulnerabilities; evolves to an appreciation of who you are and what you do; and then, and only then, can you make room to be aware of others and appreciate the differences between you.
6. Censorship. You leave the most vital, authentic parts of yourself outside the building when you arrive at work. Do you feel you have to change or transform who you are when you step through the doors of your organization? Many people censor vital parts of themselves at work in order to ‘fit-in’. If your one of those people who feel they have to put on a suit of armor to go into combat in the organization, or change who you are to ‘fit-in’, then you are censoring your potential.
7. Be Your Brand. People you work with make an accurate assessment of who you are as a person in the blink-of-an-eye – .375 of a second to be exact. If you haven’t spent the time to identify an authentic personal brand that means in this fraction of a second, someone else is controlling the agenda.
8. I’m Invisible. It’s a hard lesson to learn. The reason you are on the periphery is that you put yourself there. One of the most challenging questions clients wrestle with is how does a certain pattern of behavior serve them. Why is it more comfortable to be on the outside looking in than being visible and accountable for decisions and actions? Becoming visible means overcoming fear – often of success; owning your expert power, being assertive and standing up for what you believe in.

What’s standing between you and your best life? Drop me a line and let me know @drAnna

Ever feel like your life hasn’t “taken off” yet? Do you lose sleep over whether or not you’ve got what it takes to succeed in your new job? Do you spend more time pining over ‘if-onlys’ than you do focusing on ‘I wills?’

If so, you’re not alone. So cross that off your to-do list of things to worry about. These are classic symptoms of failure to launch – the self-imposed gravitational pull that prevents us from living our best life.

Just as it takes a whole lot of energy and intelligence for a rocket to escape the earth’s gravitational pull, reaching our own emotional escape velocity also requires resources and know-how.

How do we strap a rocket to our backs and break free? Here are four ways.

1. Own it. Recognize that blaming yourself, your boss or friend isn’t going to get you what you want. Owning your experience and being accountable means facing difficult situations head-on and daring to stand up for our needs and feelings as we do so.
2. Know your values. Your values provide the fuel and direction that you need in order to shape the kind of life you want to live. One way to begin identifying your values is to think about the area of your life most important to you right now. Maybe it’s your career. Consider what you want in this area. It could be a big promotion or a change of direction entirely. Whatever the case, envision how you’d need to behave in order to make that want a reality. Maybe it’s courage, curiosity or assertiveness. These are values. It’s easy for the gravity of life to push us off course, but returning to our values keeps us headed in the right direction.
3. Don’t accept limitations. Instead, push against them. There are all sorts of ways that we limit ourselves. It’s important to track down the source of these restrictions to realize most are self-imposed. For example, you may have internalized things your teacher said about your life trajectory or maybe your parent,, in a misguided attempt to protect you, taught you that the world is a scary place. Limitations restrict who we can become. To break free of our limitations, we need to identify them. One quick way is to notice self-talk. There are three categories of ‘crooked thinking’ that limit our potential: mental filter where you pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it, discounting the positive, when you reject positive experiences by insisting they don’t count and should statements where your inner critic tells you that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. You will find many of your limitations come from what other people have been telling you throughout your life.
4. Keep hope alive. Hope is the invisible tailwind that lifts our lives off the ground and towards the things we want. It forces us to confront doubt and ask ourselves the real questions. Do I trust? Am I capable? Can I risk? Novelist and cultural historian Rebecca Solnit wrote, “To hope is to gamble. To hope is dangerous, and yet it is the opposite of fear, for to live is to risk.” Hope means recognizing that we never truly know all the answers but deciding to say, “I will,” as you take a bold step into the unknown and lift off to a big life.

There are 8 self-inflicted behaviors that will prevent you being a badass. Take a look at the list below and see if you recognize any in yourself. And no, you can’t choose them all ?.

1. You’ve achieved a dream or landed the perfect job but feel empty and disappointed. Many of us are dynamic, ‘Type A’ individuals who, since an early age have been driven to succeed. We want to make a difference, to have purpose and to be fulfilled. The problem comes when we reach our ambition only to find we feel hollow and unfulfilled. To paraphrase Joseph Campbell, we’ve got to the top of the ladder and found its against the wrong wall.
2. What got you here won’t get you there (AKA the brick wall). It’s a classic problem. The attributes and motivations that helped you succeed have now become a liability. Your single-minded attitude is now seen as selfish; your independence a roadblock to team working and your ‘tell it like it is candor’ is upsetting and antithetical to the values of the company. These problems are all examples of failing to flex and time-shift – the ability to recognize that different situations and challenges require different behaviors.
3. You fall into a confidence trap. Lack of confidence is the most frequent problem preventing people leveraging their inner badass. Some people sabotage themselves with crooked or negative thinking; others give away their power when dealing with people in authority; and a number suffer from the imposter syndrome – the agony of waiting for someone to tap them on the shoulder and say, “we made a mistake hiring you – you just don’t have what it takes.”
4. You ‘pull’ the wrong behavior from others. We all train people how to respond to us and the most powerful way we shape others behavior is via our interpersonal style. Are we passive, assertive, or aggressive in relation with others? Perhaps you confuse aggression with assertion, or you become passive in meetings or with friends when you need to have a point of view and drive to a decision. Interpersonal style determines whether you stand on the perimeter, looking in, or in the center, managing the relationships around you.
5. Your mind-blind – unable to calibrate your impact on others because you lack self-awareness. Despite the fact that we are social mammals hard-wired to cooperate, a number of my clients approach me to help them become more self and other aware. These individuals fail to read their own behavioral cues and often overpower others or fill a room, starving others of the oxygen required to contribute to the meeting. Self-awareness starts with an awareness of your strengths and vulnerabilities; evolves to an appreciation of who you are and what you do; and then, and only then, can you make room to be aware of others and appreciate the differences between you.
6. Censorship. You leave the most vital, authentic parts of yourself outside the building when you arrive at work. Do you feel you have to change or transform who you are when you step through the doors of your organization? Many people censor vital parts of themselves at work in order to ‘fit-in’. If your one of those people who feel they have to put on a suit of armor to go into combat in the organization, or change who you are to ‘fit-in’, then you are censoring your potential.
7. Be Your Brand. People you work with make an accurate assessment of who you are as a person in the blink-of-an-eye – .375 of a second to be exact. If you haven’t spent the time to identify an authentic personal brand that means in this fraction of a second, someone else is controlling the agenda.

via GIPHY

8. I’m Invisible. It’s a hard lesson to learn. The reason you are on the periphery is that you put yourself there. One of the most challenging questions my clients wrestle with is how does a certain pattern of behavior serve them. Why is it more comfortable to be on the outside looking in than being visible and accountable for decisions and actions? Becoming visible means overcoming fear – often of success; owning your expert power, being assertive and standing up for what you believe in.

What’s muffling your badass? Drop me a line and let me know @drAnna

Can playground behavior predict innovation, curiosity and resilience? I had dinner recently with a group of folks who are actively involved in the startup scene either as investors or founders. Christian, our host , requested that we didn’t introduce ourselves but asked instead that someone around the table who knew something about us effected introductions. A couple of people knew me and I was introduced as someone who had spent a good portion of my life working in child and family psychiatry. I often mention this fact when I’m working with new clients both as a way to break the ice and as a tongue in cheek reference to some adult-children behavior ?.

This particular evening my experience working with children became a topic of conversation. “How”, Christian asked, “is working in a startup like leading a family or parenting children?” We took turns talking about our respective ideas and experience. When it was my turn, I spoke about the importance of attachment. Attachment, I described, comes in a number of different flavors but for the sake of brevity there are two important types, secure and insecure attachment. Secure attachment describes someone who can be independent, curious about their environment and have mature, trusting and intimate relationships with others. Insecure attachment is marked by avoidant, dismissive or anxious relationships with others.  If you want to see how we end up as either type, I suggest that you go visit your local playground. You will notice a big difference in how children play and explore their environment.

Some parents allow their kids to wander off and explore their surroundings, they can be curious and independent, yet they are never really out of sight or mind. These children grow up to have secure attachment relationships. Other parents fuss over the safety of their children. They admonish them for exploring, for not staying close by, and hover over them making sure they don’t fall or hurt themselves. The implicit message in these behaviors is ‘you’re not safe without me’. These children often struggle with attachment relationships as adults as they haven’t been able to internalize a sense of independence. More often than not these kids develop insecure or anxious attachments as adults.

Research into childhood patterns of adult attachment indicate it’s not a perfect correlation but it is a significant factor in a person’s ability to explore, to be alone, and to be able to work together. So next time you are interviewing a possible founder or new hire, one question you might want to ask is to describe their playground behavior. It might be a significant predictor of curiosity, independence, resilience and long-term success.

You see them everywhere. Pithy exhortations telling us to buck up, look on the bright side and be happy. Here are a few of my favorites:

“Today, I am brimming with energy and overflowing with joy.”

“Everyone loves me”.

And my particular favorite:

“My body is healthy; my mind is brilliant; my soul is tranquil.”

Geez. Positive Affirmations like these have been around since the 1920’s. Ever since French psychologist and pharmacologist Emile Coue “discovered” the antidote to negativity – the affirmation. Coue’s affirmation was  “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better”. and he believed that repeating this phrase would cure negative thinking and boost self esteem. So started the quackery that affirmation will change your life. I was reminded of Coue’s influence on a recent trip to NYC. The AirbBnB I was staying at had affirmations in every room. Far from salving my existential angst they irritated the hell out go me. One, in the bedroom, was telling me to “Make my own path”

Why the downer on ‘Affirmations’ you may be asking. Well, they don’t really work. Or to be more accurate there is no evidence they work, but plenty of research has shown they don’t. The first suspicion that they may not be all they are cracked up to be was provided by Canadian psychologist, Joanne Wood. Wood was suspicious that affirmations might violate self comparison theory.  The bottom line is that much as we might like to hear (or see) positive messages about ourselves the theory contends, we need even more to feel a sense of internal coherence. Wood’s research found that like overly positive feedback, unreasonably positive self statements like, “Everyone loves me”, can provoke contra-dictionary thoughts in people with low self esteem. She concluded, “repeating positive self statements may benefit certain people, such as individuals with high self esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them most”.

But wait, to quote an often used affirmation, “I can achieve anything I set my mind to”, is there hope for the ‘Affirmation’ . Well yes there is. The trick is to create your own, based on things that matter to you. Your values and beliefs, character strengths and experiences. When I work with clients I am always moved by the strength people have shown to navigate the worst (and best) that life can throw at them. Sibling suicides, trauma and abuse, depressed parents, failure and loss to name but a few. These turning points exposed in a profound way these people’s inner strength and beliefs. And it’s these beliefs we should be using as self-affirming. A couple of months ago I worked with a small group of women who were adult survivors of the US Foster system. They’d been controlled their whole lives. Abused, sexually assaulted, separated from parents and siblings they had developed a quiet authority and inner strength. They were also, as you might expect, vulnerable to self-doubt, feelings of shame and self loathing. Working together we created a new version of affirmations based on positive psychology and neurolinguistics. A mosaic if you will of their experience, hope and resilience. The women chose an image that had meaning for them and, against that image, we put ‘power words’ and phrases that came from their experience. A couple of examples are illustrated below. 

In my mind these are a much more powerful and accurate set of motivational statements because they came from the experience of these women. They had lived these words and phrases. So rather than looking at a poster telling them how to feel, they looked at a carefully crafted mosaic that reminded them of how beautiful and powerful they are. Many of us tend to look outside ourselves for answers yet my belief is that everything you need to be alive, productive and fulfilled you have inside  of you.

So next time someone tells you to ‘look on the bright side’ or ‘make your own path’ tell them politely that you are marching to the beat of your own drum.

Interested in creating your own ‘Power Word Mosaic’? Get in touch anna@annarowley.com

Mindful read – 10 minutes

“Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wage, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, … Safe return doubtful…. and recognition in case of success.”  Earnest Shackleton. Polar Explorer.

“Women can join too” , Natalya Bailey, CEO – Accion Systems

When was the last time, either on your commute to work or over a quiet cup of tea or coffee, you found yourself daydreaming about being an astronaut, circling the earth at 4.6 miles per second, 220 miles above the earth’s surface, or climbing the highest mountain in the world in temperatures that would make your face freeze together with a high degree of uncertainty you will make it down alive, never mind reach the summit? Space exploration and mountaineering are two accepted examples of performance extremes that require extraordinary physical, psychological and interpersonal demands for survival, performance and the management of stress and anxiety.

Intuitively these make sense. These are environments where men and women put their lives at risk in service of science, curiosity and exploration, but why would giving a business presentation or getting your boss to agree to a particular project be thought of as working in an extreme environment? I’m not suggesting that office working is exactly as ANXIETY-inducing as orbiting the earth or that climbing Everest is a perfect analogue for leading a successful business. I do believe, however, that most of us live and work in performance extremes, and our ignorance of that fact is costing us dearly. What’s the evidence? There’s plenty:

• On average, we are interrupted once every 3.5 minutes, challenging our ability to stay focused and productive and costing approximately $1 trillion in the US alone
• Hyper-employment or information overload is overwhelming people’s ability to manage and process these data, costing business millions of dollars
• Emotion regulation, our ability to avoid letting our feelings control our behavior, is decreasing as evidenced by the increase in workplace bullying, incivility, unresolved interpersonal conflict and organizational aggression.
• ‘Coping Ugly.’ We have a choice to problem solve our way out of a tough or challenging situation at work or ‘act out emotionally.’ More people are choosing emotional focused coping to deal with stress or adversity, resulting in a rise in binge eating, alcohol consumption and suicide.
• Pharmaceuticals. The second biggest selling prescription drug in 2016 was Abilify (Aripiprazole) an anti-anxiety and, anti-depression medication.
• Adaptation. A measure of successful adaptation is being resilient. Despite the fact that resilience has been described as a type of ordinary magic available to most of us, we seem to be having problems activating this innate strength. For example, a recent study of workplace stress found 80% of workers felt stress on the job and nearly half said they need help learning how to manage it.

So what might we learn from research into the selection and training of individuals who make it their life’s work to live, explore and perform to the best of their abilities in an extreme environment?

• The first thing we know is that these people share some interesting personality characteristics. Studies of arctic explorers identified that as a population they scored higher on measures of openness to experience, extraversion and emotional control, and lower on measures of neuroticism than the general population. Interestingly, one personality characteristic found across a number of different expedition teams was ‘absorption’ or the ability “to become highly engrossed in a particular activity to the exclusion of attending to other events that are happening around the person.” Given the increasing rate of interruption in the workplace, absorption might be a significant protective factor against the risks of working in performance extremes.
• The second thing we know is that many individuals choosing to live and work in extreme environments train for the situation and are supported by others in their endeavor. For example, astronauts have to train for at least 2-years before they are let loose piloting a spacecraft. We don’t teach our children the basics of noticing and naming emotions and how to be resilient never mind the skills we need as adults to live fulfilled and productive lives.
• Finally, the crucial determinant as to whether a setting is stressful is not the environment we find ourselves in, but the meaning we attach to our experience.

How do I know if I’m working in an Extreme Environment?

The Society for Performance in Extreme Environments define extreme climates as:

“Settings that possess extraordinary physical, psychological, and interpersonal demands that require significant adaptation for survival and performance.”

So how do you achieve the exhilaration of exploration and personal and professional actualization rather than succumbing to the physical, psychological or interpersonal challenges of a work performance extreme? In my work I have noticed that some settings are inherently stressful and require almost continuous adaptation. Founder or start-up CEO’s definitely inhabit a performance extreme. There is considerable uncertainty, extremely low margins of error, high incidence of interpersonal conflict with co-founders, venture capitalists and team members, and a very, very high risk of failure. The power of these ‘settings’ are exacerbated by the founder CEOs temperament and drive. Most have a deep sense of passion and purpose, and a significant personal investment in their idea and its impact. Their singularly focus means they don’t always cultivate the social networks that might help them adapt and cope. They are often asked to perform in areas where they may not have skills (hiring, sale-motions, finance and leadership), and, in my experience, often question their role as CEO—the label can carry considerable baggage fueling self doubt and a lack of confidence. However, performance extremes aren’t limited to entrepreneurs. A recent survey suggested the most stressful occupation was being in the armed forces. Interestingly, corporate executives also made the top-ten list of stressful occupations.

So if you’re not a startup founder or CEO, enlisted military or C-Suite executive how do you know if you are working in a performance extreme? The first step is to assess your perceptions of the work environment. For example, you may feel considerable uncertainty about the future of your job, that you’re not good enough, or that taking time away from work feels more like a survival activity than a chance for rest and relaxation; the second step is to determine the emotional impact of your surroundings. Perhaps you feel physically and emotionally wrung out because of the demands of your job, or you don’t have the energy to face another day ‘at the office’. Maybe you don’t feel safe expressing your views or being yourself. In truth, the most important feature of a performance extreme is that its less about the innate stressfulness of an occupation and more about your perceptions of being able to cope and flourish in your job.

Overcoming Stress and Anxiety with the Ordinary Magic of Resilience

The antidote to working in a performance extreme is to develop a resilient workstyle. Resilience is often associated with individuals, communities or groups coming together to manage the adversity of a natural disaster such as an earthquake or tsunami, or an unnatural disaster such as 9/11. Football teams who soak up pressure and go on to win are described as resilient. We also describe buildings and the economy as resilient. So, resilience is either really important to just about everything; or its real meaning, and its real importance, have been obscured by people using it to describe just about anything. Resilience is important, and it is much more than “super-coping” dressed up in tights and a cape.

Resilient individuals are able to engage with adversity, persist in the face of significant odds, bounce back quickly and learn from the experience. In truth, we all have the ability to be resilient, but many of us are failing to activate this innate gift.

Psychologist Ann Masten calls resilience “Ordinary Magic”. She means that resilience doesn’t require extraordinary skills or resources. Instead, most of us have the seemingly magical capacity not only to weather adversity, but to also to come through it richer for the experience. So if it’s so ordinary why don’t more of us activate our ability to be resilient not only in situations that tax us emotionally or psychologically, but also in our daily lives? Do we have to wait for tragedy to happen, or is there another way to activate everyday resilience to cope with the performance extremes of working in the 21st Century?

To be resilient is to make a choice to work on, or activate a specific set of skills. These are:

• Readiness – the core of readiness is flexible attention, the ability to be mindful, shift focus, think and interpret reality without bias.
• Acceptance – saying a compassionate ‘no’ to our inner critic, having realistic but challenging aspirations for ourselves and listening to the wisdom of our future self.
• Insight – a measure of emotional literacy. The ability to fully experience the breadth and depth of our emotional life, from anger or frustration to joy and exuberance. This awareness allows us to sustain our engagement with ambition, opportunity or adversity.
• Intention – the degree to which you live an authentic, purposeful life. This skill is tremendously important in ‘keeping us honest’ as we drive toward a goal or aspiration. It also helps us remain authentic and true to what we believe when we are criticized, or feel emotional pressure or threat from friends or co-workers.
• Committed Action – acting decisively, being optimistic about an outcome and having a sense of purpose.

To flourish in the performance extreme of modern day life we need to develop a resilient work and lifestyle. The good news is that most of us have the innate skills required to be resilient; to be steeled not scarred by the stress and strain of daily living. To discover your level of ordinary magic why not take this short quiz. It will put you on a path to activate your resilience so you can flourish in a performance extreme.

This blog is a version of an earlier version posted on LinkedIn linkedin.com/in/annarowley       

Mindful read – 10 minutes

“Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wage, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, … Safe return doubtful… and recognition in case of success.”  Earnest Shackleton. Polar Explorer.

“Women can join too” , Natalya Bailey, CEO – Accion Systems

When was the last time, either on your commute to work or over a quiet cup of tea or coffee, you found yourself daydreaming about being an astronaut, circling the earth at 4.6 miles per second, 220 miles above the earth’s surface, or climbing the highest mountain in the world in temperatures that would make your face freeze together with a high degree of uncertainty you will make it down alive, never mind reach the summit? Space exploration and mountaineering are two accepted examples of performance extremes that require extraordinary physical, psychological and interpersonal demands for survival, performance and the management of stress and anxiety.

Intuitively these make sense. These are environments where men and women put their lives at risk in service of science, curiosity and exploration, but why would giving a business presentation or getting your boss to agree to a particular project be thought of as working in an extreme environment? I’m not suggesting that office working is exactly as anxiety-inducing as orbiting the earth or that climbing Everest is a perfect analogue for leading a successful business. I do believe, however, that most of us live and work in performance extremes, and our ignorance of that fact is costing us dearly. What’s the evidence? There’s plenty:

• On average, we are interrupted once every 3.5 minutes, challenging our ability to stay focused and productive and costing approximately $1 trillion in the US alone
• Hyper-employment or information overload is overwhelming people’s ability to manage and process these data, costing business millions of dollars
• Emotion regulation, our ability to avoid letting our feelings control our behavior, is decreasing as evidenced by the increase in workplace bullying, incivility, unresolved interpersonal conflict and organizational aggression.
• ‘Coping Ugly.’ We have a choice to problem solve our way out of a tough or challenging situation at work or ‘act out emotionally.’ More people are choosing emotional focused coping to deal with stress and anxiety, resulting in a rise in binge eating, alcohol consumption and suicide.
• Pharmaceuticals. The second biggest selling prescription drug in 2016 was Abilify (Aripiprazole) an anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication.
• Adaptation. A measure of successful adaptation is being resilient. Despite the fact that resilience has been described as a type of ordinary magic available to most of us, we seem to be having problems activating this innate strength. For example, a recent study of workplace stress found 80% of workers felt stress on the job and nearly half said they need help learning how to manage it.

So what might we learn from research into the selection and training of individuals who make it their life’s work to live, explore and perform to the best of their abilities in an extreme environment?

• The first thing we know is that these people share some interesting personality characteristics. Studies of arctic explorers identified that as a population they scored higher on measures of openness to experience, extraversion and emotional control, and lower on measures of neuroticism than the general population. Interestingly, one personality characteristic found across a number of different expedition teams was ‘absorption’ or the ability “to become highly engrossed in a particular activity to the exclusion of attending to other events that are happening around the person.” Given the increasing rate of interruption in the workplace, absorption might be a significant protective factor against the risks of working in performance extremes.
• The second thing we know is that many individuals choosing to live and work in extreme environments train for the situation and are supported by others in their endeavor. For example, astronauts have to train for at least 2-years before they are let loose piloting a spacecraft. We don’t teach our children the basics of noticing and naming emotions and how to be resilient never mind the skills we need as adults to live fulfilled and productive lives.
• Finally, the crucial determinant as to whether a setting is stressful is not the environment we find ourselves in, but the meaning we attach to our experience.

How do I know if I’m working in an Extreme Environment?

The Society for Performance in Extreme Environments define extreme climates as:

“Settings that possess extraordinary physical, psychological, and interpersonal demands that require significant adaptation for survival and performance.”

So how do you achieve the exhilaration of exploration and personal and professional actualization rather than succumbing to the physical, psychological or interpersonal challenges of a work performance extreme? In my work I have noticed that some settings are inherently stressful and require almost continuous adaptation. Founder or start-up CEO’s definitely inhabit a performance extreme. There is considerable uncertainty, extremely low margins of error, high incidence of interpersonal conflict with co-founders, venture capitalists and team members, and a very, very high risk of failure. The power of these ‘settings’ are exacerbated by the founder CEOs temperament and drive. Most have a deep sense of passion and purpose, and a significant personal investment in their idea and its impact. Their singularly focus means they don’t always cultivate the social networks that might help them adapt and cope. They are often asked to perform in areas where they may not have skills (hiring, sale-motions, finance and leadership), and, in my experience, often question their role as CEO—the label can carry considerable baggage fueling self doubt and a lack of confidence. However, performance extremes aren’t limited to entrepreneurs. A recent survey suggested the most stressful occupation was being in the armed forces. Interestingly, corporate executives also made the top-ten list of stressful occupations.

So if you’re not a startup founder or CEO, enlisted military or C-Suite executive how do you know if you are working in a performance extreme? The first step is to assess your perceptions of the work environment. For example, you may feel considerable uncertainty about the future of your job, that you’re not good enough, or that taking time away from work feels more like a survival activity than a chance for rest and relaxation; the second step is to determine the emotional impact of your surroundings. Perhaps you feel physically and emotionally wrung out because of the demands of your job, or you don’t have the energy to face another day ‘at the office’. Maybe you don’t feel safe expressing your views or being yourself. In truth, the most important feature of a performance extreme is that its less about the innate stressfulness of an occupation and more about your perceptions of being able to cope and flourish in your job.

Overcoming Stress and Anxiety with the Ordinary Magic of Resilience

The antidote to working in a performance extreme is to develop a resilient workstyle. Resilience is often associated with individuals, communities or groups coming together to manage the adversity of a natural disaster such as an earthquake or tsunami, or an unnatural disaster such as 9/11. Football teams who soak up pressure and go on to win are described as resilient. We also describe buildings and the economy as resilient. So, resilience is either really important to just about everything; or its real meaning, and its real importance, have been obscured by people using it to describe just about anything. Resilience is important, and it is much more than “super-coping” dressed up in tights and a cape.

Resilient individuals are able to engage with adversity, persist in the face of significant odds, bounce back quickly and learn from the experience. In truth, we all have the ability to be resilient, but many of us are failing to activate this innate gift.

Psychologist Ann Masten calls resilience “Ordinary Magic”. She means that resilience doesn’t require extraordinary skills or resources. Instead, most of us have the seemingly magical capacity not only to weather adversity, but to also to come through it richer for the experience. So if it’s so ordinary why don’t more of us activate our ability to be resilient not only in situations that tax us emotionally or psychologically, but also in our daily lives? Do we have to wait for tragedy to happen, or is there another way to activate everyday resilience to cope with the performance extremes of working in the 21st Century?

To be resilient is to make a choice to work on, or activate a specific set of skills. These are:

• Readiness – the core of readiness is flexible attention, the ability to be mindful, shift focus, think and interpret reality without bias.
• Acceptance – saying a compassionate ‘no’ to our inner critic, having realistic but challenging aspirations for ourselves and listening to the wisdom of our future self.
• Insight – a measure of emotional literacy. The ability to fully experience the breadth and depth of our emotional life, from stress and anxiety to joy and exuberance. This awareness allows us to sustain our engagement with ambition, opportunity or adversity.
• Intention – the degree to which you live an authentic, purposeful life. This skill is tremendously important in ‘keeping us honest’ as we drive toward a goal or aspiration. It also helps us remain authentic and true to what we believe when we are criticized, or feel emotional pressure or threat from friends or co-workers.
• Committed Action – acting decisively, being optimistic about an outcome and having a sense of purpose

To flourish in the performance extreme of modern day life we need to develop a resilient work and lifestyle. The good news is that most of us have the innate skills required to be resilient; to be steeled not scarred by the stress and strain of daily living. To discover your level of ordinary magic why not take this short quiz. It will put you on a path to activate your resilience so you can flourish in a performance extreme.

This blog is a version of an earlier version posted on LinkedIn linkedin.com/in/annarowley       

When we think about stress or adversity, we tend to think about the big things: getting a new job, moving, serious illness, getting married. Psychologists have studied the toll these major life-events have on our health for years. However, the impact of life’s daily hassles on our mood, well-being and hustle is less understood.

Hassles happen every day and sometimes many times in a day: the jerk cutting us in line, getting to the bus just as it pulls away, spilling coffee on our shirt just before a meeting starts, losing those car keys for the sixth time this week.

These hassles are why we need to practice active resilience.

Here are a few tips to activate your resilience so you can focus on the hustle not the hassle.

• Notice and Name. When a hassle occurs, most of us become our emotions. I miss my bus and feel frustrated so I become frustrated. I become irritable, blame the bus driver for being inconsiderate and then hold on to this feeling for a number of hours. In this way, our feelings hold us hostage and impact our behavior. One way to manage our emotional captivity is to notice and name our emotional state. Instead of saying, “I am angry,” say instead, “I notice anger.” There is a big difference between these two statements. In the first, you become the emotion. In the second, you observe the emotion as an experience passing like a cloud.
• Fuel not Flood. Hassles have a tendency of sapping our hustles. Most of them make us feel out of control, overwhelmed and drained, derailing our equilibrium and productivity in the process. But goal setting can re-energize us. In fact, psychologists say that getting mentally energized to achieve a goal creates physiological changes in energy. One particular way to achieve this boost is to get our WOOP on. WOOP stands for Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. To get your WOOP on, identify a wish, an aspiration or goal you really want to accomplish. Next, imagine the way you will think or feel when you achieve your wish or outcome. The obstacle is how you might self-sabotage or prevent yourself achieving your wish. The plan is what you will do when you inevitably collide with one of your obstacles. The kicker in WOOP is acknowledging how we create our own barriers to getting what we want. For example, when we experience an inevitable hassle or obstacle, we can choose to wrap our arms around the negativity, or acknowledge it as a fleeting emotion, remember our wish and use the energy to drive us forward.
• Hassle Detox. Hassles build up in the psyche like sediment in a river. One way to detox is to work on gratitude and gratefulness. According to many psychologists, grateful people experience higher levels of positive emotions such as joy, enthusiasm and love. Gratitude also protects us from envy, greed, and jealousy. There are a number of ways to practice gratitude and modern technology makes it much easier. There are multiple free and inexpensive apps available for this exact purpose. If you’d rather practice gratefulness untethered, why not try a gratitude walk? Pick a route and spend five minutes noticing things you’re grateful for. Walk slowly and let your eyes rest on various objects, reach out and touch different surfaces or fabrics: maybe you feel grateful for the texture of a shirt or the smoothness of a leaf. If you really want to challenge yourself, think about a hassle that really ticked you off – that overeager bus perhaps – and find something to be grateful for in that experience.
• Find your Uplift. One way to rise above a hassle is to find your very own psychological thermal. A thermal or uplift is a small everyday event or experience that brings a smile to your face and a spring to your step. Uplifts are all around us. Despite the fact that we experience five to six uplifts per day, our hassles evoke a much stronger physiological and emotional response. Neuro-scientist Jill-Bolte Taylor is right when she observes that while physiological lifespan of an emotion is 90-seconds, we often find ourselves clinging to feelings of anger, frustration, shame or guilt for much longer. When was the last time a negative emotion you experienced lasted only a minute and a half? To take full advantage of your uplifts and minimize the impact of hassles today.
• Breathe, Restore & Sustain: An uplift is like coming up for air. It’s a refreshing, invigorating experience. Breathing out is the body’s natural relaxant and focusing on a breath can sustain the pleasurable feelings that accompany an uplift. Hassles often supercharge our normal behavior and we end up suffering from hurry-sickness – multi-tasking as a way to escape or avoid the feelings that accompany a day of hassles. An uplift is the perfect antidote to the overwhelming feelings of anxiety and continued sense of urgency because it allows us to press pause and fully experience a pleasurable or joyous event. It’s also the gift that keeps on giving as the positive emotions we experience during an uplift broaden our perspective, making it more likely we will experience more psychological thermals.
• Engage. Uplifts remind us we are not one of life’s passengers. In the midst of an uplift we feel alive and fully present. This is because positive emotions undo the mental knots that accompany hassles. To fully engage in an uplift or create your very own psychological thermal try the “3 by 5” exercise. At random moments during your day spend a few moments noticing five things around you: what do you see? Listen for five distinctive sounds: what do you hear? Experience five different sensations: What do you feel? You can do a “3 by 5” exercise between meetings, on your walk to work or over lunch. There is no right or wrong time to fully engage.

Hassles are inevitable. Some are the byproduct of daily living and some we inflict on ourselves. Whatever the cause activating your resilience by noticing and naming, riding a thermal or getting your WOOP on will ensure you spend time on the hustle, not colliding with the hassle.

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